Children are of the Devil.

1. This morning I came out of the shower to find my front door wide open and my two girls running around in the yard in their bare feet and pajamas. My closet is currently inaccessible because I locked all their toys in there as punishment. We are going to the store this afternoon to buy childproof door handles.

2. Last Friday, the girls spent the entire two hours of nap time running in and out of each other's rooms and driving me absolutely bonkers. So I locked myself in my bedroom for a little while to restore my sanity, and when I came out I found this:

That would be the entire contents of the art supplies drawer spread on my floor. And if you're wondering, yes I did have paint stored in there. And yes, the girls did get it everywhere. Hailey's jacket had to be thrown out. It was on the floor, the walls, the desk, the drawer, the computer chair.

And of course, on my precious Christmas glasses that I had sitting out waiting to be put away.

I. was. livid. They were sent to their rooms while I spent 45 minutes (45 minutes!) cleaning everything up. Then Seth came home and took over as parent and I refused to interact with them for the rest of the evening.

3. On Tuesday, in the two minutes it took me to go use the bathroom, Hailey climbed up onto the desk, and started playing with the Christmas glasses (still not put away - I had to finish cleaning paint off of them!) by stacking them. You can guess what's coming, can't you?

Five of them shattered, including one that I had just bought three days prior, because the original had a crack in it. Glass everywhere. It was awful. And these aren't regular glasses. I have to buy them off eBay because they don't make them anymore. They're expensive. Booooooo. (And no, Hailey didn't hurt herself.)

So, moral of the story: don't have kids, because they ruin EVERYTHING.