Toddler Talk #10

While looking at pictures:
Grandpa Jim: What's that behind him?
T: A mountain.
GJ: What's that white stuff on the mountain?
T: Sugar.

While reading a book:
S: Why do you think she liked that one the most?
T: Probably because it's really nice and really neat and didn't have any crumbs on it.

When I realized we had a bit more explaining to do:
T: When you eat a lot of food again, we'll get another baby!

Randomly during bathtime:
T: When Jesus makes our eyes, he takes some water out of the bath and puts it on the desk and adds a color and then he makes our eyes.

While brushing her teeth:
J: Keep going. You only brushed for like 15 seconds.
T: Ugh! I have to brush for 18 seconds?

One day after school:
J: You have a sticker on your nose. 

T: Uh huh because I'm a winner.

After Hailey ate a button:
H: I ate a toy!
S: You're just going to have to wait until it comes out the other end...
H: Get your tools and take me apart so you can get it out.
S: Where are your screws? Are you a robot?
H: I'll go get the screwdrivers.

While playing with Grandma's iPad:
T: This is even better than reading books or playing!

Toddler Talk #9

When I insisted on Tessa putting her shoes back on so she could walk from the car to the house:
T: You've got to be kidding me.

An exchange I thought was between me and Hailey:
J: Are you done with your cake? Would you like another bite?
H:
T: No, she doesn't. She wants me to eat it.

After getting home from a walk where they discovered some roadkill:
S: The girls need to have an existential discussion with you.
T: The squirrel got dead!

One morning after Easter:
T: After breakfast we can have candy.
J: Nope.
T: But my heart is thinking of candy.

After getting annoyed with the girls at breakfast:
J: Can you please stop banging your spoons on your bowls!?
H: 'lax.
J:
H: Can you 'lax at me please?
('lax=relax)

Toddler Talk #8

T: Daddy, you need a break from Mommy.
S: No I don't. Mommy is my best friend.
T: No. Mommy isn't your friend. She's your wife.

During a prayer:
T: Thank you for mommy. Thank you for Hailey not being a good girl. Thank you for Daddy...

During clean-up time:
J: Tessa, can you put this doll away?
T: Yes sir, mom!

At lunch:
T: We need to throw these wrappers away.
J: Ok. Go ahead.
T: I don't know how.
J: Yes you do. Go throw them away.
T:
J:
T: My arms are too tired. *hands wrappers to me*

After jumping from the footstool to the couch:
T: Yay this is my best life!

And one from Seth:
T: I want to watch The Magic School Bus.
S: Why?
T: Because I do.
S: That's circular logic Tessa. And it's not welcome in this house.

Toddler Talk #6

I snuck off to lay on my bed and read, but T found me:
T: Mommy, come play with me.
J:
T: Mommy! Get up and come play with me.
J:
T: Come play with me. I'm not telling you again.

While Seth was singing a song:
T: Don't you sing that song again or I'm gonna turn you into a goon!
S: *continues singing*
T: Poof! You're a goon!

When I was trying to get her to clean up her toys:
T: I'm dead.
J: Well, come back to life and help me clean up.
T: Just don't talk to me. I'm dead and I don't know what you're talking about.

While Seth was having difficulty trying to make waffles:
J: Are you struggling?
S: No. I'm a competent person.
T: No you're not Dad!

Toddler Talk #5

After T ran into her room to get her pajamas on:

T: Mommy come help me!
J:
T: Mommy!
J:
T: No one will help me and it's so sad.

While I was trying to get her to go down for quiet time:
T: Mom, I want some chapstick first.
J: No. Get on your bed.
T: *throws herself on bed* I can't live like this anymore!

(Backstory: T scraped her knees up in the Library parking lot and was upset about it for days.)
After dinner one night while climbing down from her chair:
T: Come on knees, you can do it! You can do some more things!

After she got upset about something:
T: There's puddles in my eyes because I was crying.

During dinner when Seth was talking to her about her Disney Princess toys:
S: Is mommy a princess?
T: No.
S: Oh, mommy's the queen.
T: No.
S: Hmm. What is mommy?
T: A monster.

Toddler Talk #4

After my brother David let out a huge disgusting burp:
J: T, what should David say now?
T: Uhh....cookies.

After forcing T to go down for quiet time:
T: Mommy....Moooommy. Moooommmmmmyyyyy.
J: What do you want?
T: mumble mumble mumble
J: What?
T: I WANT YOU TO KILL ME.
J:
J: No. Stay in here and be quiet.

After Seth came home from work:
S: What have you been doing today T?
T: Just pooping in my pants.

After I brought a package inside:
T: Mommy, did you get a package?
J: Yep.
T: Is it bacon!?

T set this up. And made me take the picture.

Toddler Talk #3

After coughing:
T: There's a scary monster in my mouth mommy.
J: A scary monster?
T: Yeah and he's coughing.

T: Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy...
S: Hold your horses!
T: Hold my horses? I can't hold my horses. My horses aren't in my hands.

T: I got a big bum.
J:
T: I got a big bum to scratch.

J: *stomach growls*
S: Here T, lay your head on mommy's stomach and listen.
T: *lays head down*
S: What do you hear?
T: A pig.

Toddler Talk #2

1. After finding Seth's sunglasses and putting them on: "Look at me cool. Look at me cool."
Then she sang: "And on the farm he had sunglasses. E-I-E-cool me."

2. After Seth helped her brush her teeth: "I'm so proud of you! Daddy, I'm so proud of you!"

3. After I spent the morning chasing after my two children instead of fixing my hair: "Momma, your hair is ca-raaaazy."
Gee thanks T.

4. Every time she sees a fly: "Oh! That dang fly! You want to kill him?"

5. After I asked her to please clean up her toys: "Mommy, what are you talking about?"

Toddler Talk

T is finally old enough to string some sentences together.

1. "Oh mom. I'm SUPER thirsty. I need juice."

2. When I tried to play with H in the middle of a board game with T: "Mommy, stop. Stop eating that. Stop eating Hailey's feet . You want to play Guess Who."

3. I was changing H's diaper when she walked in, observed us for a minute, then turned around and walked out the door saying "See ya. Wouldn't want to be ya."

I guess I should stop saying that to Seth when he leaves for work.