Trip Across America: Keokuk

While in Nauvoo we ran into the problem of needing to eat and having all the local restaurants close at 6pm.

Our solution was to drive 15 minutes south to the dirty little town of Keokuk. It appeared as if there were more bars than stoplights in the town. (One of them even named Patches McFatty's, much to our delight.)

Although Keokuk has all the regular fast-food chains, we opted to try for a local restaurant. 

Why we decided this, I have no idea, considering most of the local restaurants looked like they would be hazardous to my health. Nevertheless, we selected one to try, figuring if we didn't like the looks of it we could just as easily walk back out. (This would later turn out to be a huge mistake on our parts.)

The low-rider out in the gravel parking lot sitting so low that it was resting on the ground when parked should have been my first clue. (We suspect the car had an impressive hydraulic system.) It was a buffet-style restaurant, and I took one look at the food sitting out and decided that we would be doing fast food that night. We turned around to leave.

And then the most infuriating and humiliating thing ever happened to Seth and I. The owner ran over to us and started to pepper us with questions and pleadings. "Wait, wait! What can I do for you? Don't leave! Can I help you? Stay!"

It was at this point that every single person in the place looked up at us and the blood began rushing to my face.

"What do you like? Do you like chicken? Can I seat you?

Enthusiastically he questioned us, and all the while he was maneuvering himself between us and the door. This escape would be trickier than I thought.

But finally, amidst the unabated stares of the customers, we made it out the door and away from the owner's last, desperate attempts to get us to stay and eat.

Walking out to our car I remarked, "That was weird." Seth agreed.

But our interactions with the restaurant owner were far from over.

As we buckled into our seats, he came rushing back out the front door with a to-go menu in his hand. "Please don't" is what I started chanting out loud to Seth.

Oh, but he did. 

He gestured to me to roll down the window, and instead of shaking my head no and driving off, I ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW. It was like he was using The Force. I can't even begin to describe the eager, overbearing questions he peppered us with, the agony of those long two minutes, and all the personal space issues I thought I had resolved while he leaned his head in the car window.

And then, as the grand finale, the owner shoved his menu into our car and said these words:

"I'll chase you down if you don't come back!"

Then he laughed a creepy laugh. And headed back inside.

A moment I am not likely to forget for a long, long time.